Tuesday, August 7, 2012

My Felicia Hope

Born on June 5
Weighs 7.11 lbs
Measures 19.5" tall

My Felicia greeted this world with a powerful cry. Her cry was the most anticipated sound I wanted to hear that day. And when it came, it got me teary-eyed. Tears of joy. Her first cry was a beautiful melody. Music to my ear. It's her way of telling me, "Mama, I am finally here!" There's my baby. My precious one. My blessing from above.

The first time I laid my eyes on Fi, I was totally in love with her. Yes, it sounds like a cliche. But the phrase "totally in love" is the best description that I can use to describe what my heart says for this little darling. I can't believe I would experience this kind of ecstatic feeling again. It's just so much like the first time—falling in love all over again but with a different person. Yet, it's the same kind of very special love...the love that only mothers can feel and experience.

When my Felicia was still in my womb, I had questions that kept popping out of the back of my mind. "Will the intensity of my love for my second child the same as the first one? Does my heart have enough room to give love to another being that came from me? What if it doesn't? What if my love for her would be less than what I have for my Evie?"

Sometimes I feel stupid that I have these questions in my mind. Made me wonder of moms with more than one child if same questions bogged them while they're pregnant with their second child. I didn't dare to ask any. What if they did not? I was afraid of being judged. For months, I kept it to myself. Until one day, my husband opened up the same concerns as mine. He had the same questions to himself. Thankfully, I was not alone. Perhaps all parents with more than one child feel the same way and had the same questions as us.

My Felicia is already two months old. Each and every day, I fall in love with her all over again. I couldn't get enough of her. She is just so precious just like my Evie. I love her as much as her big sister. Every day, my heart could not contain the overflowing love I have for my children.

At one point of being a mother and becoming a mother again, I doubt the capacity of my heart to give love. But this doubt became the vessel for me to realize that the heart of a mother is shaped and fabricated to produce limitless love for her children. It is a home where love abides, and therefore, it has no boundaries, but immeasurable...infinite.

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