Tuesday, May 25, 2010

She's Back on Our Bed

We came up to a decision: she co-sleeps with us. After a thorough thought, my husband gave in. He knows what my heart desires as a mother for my daughter when it comes to bedtime. Even if in the past we had successfully let her sleep in her bedroom, the yearning of her sleeping with us didn't go away.

Co-sleeping had already been an "issue" eversince we were not married yet. There was even one time we argued on the phone about it. I want our child to sleep with us. That's the kind of culture I grew up with. He's the opposite. Most probably because of the culture he's used to and personal preferences.

When I had Eve, it's no longer about the kind of practice I have seen around me when it comes to child-rearing. This time, it's about the emotional and mental security a mother feels to her child when she's alone in her room all throughout the night. It's about the mother-and-child emotional bonding.
My heart thirst for the closeness to her child, and I believe, my child yearns more for the same kind of emotional attachment to her parents. But at the same time, I do not want to force my husband to something he does not prefer. He thinks that she sleeps better in the crib. Besides, husband and wife intimacy suffers when the baby is there. I was caught in between.

Last night when she was crying in her room, I asked myself a question: "Why is she crying? What does she need?" Well, I believe the reason why she cried was because she needed comfort. She needed to feel secure through the warmth of her parents' arms. And why are we depriving her of such emotional needs? Is it because giving her emotional demands will make her spoil? I absolutely do not have any idea. I am more concern of how the deprivation will affect her emotionally as she grows up. I want to give and fill my daughter's every emotional need as much as I can.

My husband, sitting on the chair in silence have had questions in his mind whether or not she should sleep with us. I told him about my thoughts. He came to a decision in favor of me and our baby. He told me that what matters is the need of his wife and daughter. But I was concern that he might resent about it. He assured me that he won't and I know he's telling the truth. I saw the sincerity in his eyes.

Until when she co-sleeps with us? I do not know. What I do know is that, when she can already understand when we explain to her why she should stay in her room on bedtime, then that's the time for her to experience "bedtime independence." For now, what I know is that, she has emotional needs that we need to nourish. She doesn't understand things yet. She doesn't understand why she has to sleep alone in a dim room at such an early age.

Co-sleep or not? Who knows what is right? I grew up co-sleeping with parents. I grew up surrounded with family where children co-sleep with their fathers and mothers and there was no problem at all. I even have this weird theory that maybe
one of the reasons why Filipinos have this feeling of exceptional attachment to their families is because of the emotional bond that children developed from co-sleeping with their parents. True or not, maybe a study can answer.

My daughter won't co-sleep with us forever. As she grows up, she will discover and understand independence, and eventually wants it. If I let these precious moments and opportunities of closeness with her slip away while her dependence is totally upon us, one day, I might find myself drown with regrets.

I honor my husband for his humility. I honor him for weighing things out and making a decision of what he thought is best for all of us. He is the MAN in the house. He has the "final word." And when it comes to husband and wife intimacy, we can always find a way.


  1. Im am glad that shes sleeping with you again. I feel sorry for babies who sleep alone in their room.

  2. oh wow... happy to know that evie sleeps with you na! my heart aches knowing she sleeps alone. It's a sad thing. You had impacted your hubby riz with our culture...heheh..yehey.. dugong pinoy!